Amy and Her Bottle
by buddyspeed
Summary: It's been a bit since Ken's death, and Amy is still having trouble adjusting. She found a new way to cope, but is it what Ken would have wanted?


**Hello! Second Cause of Death fanfic! Yay! So I know this is a really short story, but I like this Cause of Death plot with Amy dealing with Ken's death. Currently, it's just a oneshot, but I might get inspiration to continue on. I'm not really sure though. What do y'all think? Enjoy and please review!**

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"No, no, no! It's all wrong!" you scream as you throw your glass across the room aiming for your television. It immediately shatters on the wall above the TV, dumping the contents of your drink all over the wall and the floor. You see the spill and regret throwing your drink away. Knowing you'll have to clean it up eventually, you stand up, but fall back down when your head begins to pound like never before. Unless you want to lose the contents of your stomach, you are stuck on that couch for the time being.

You hate this being alone business. No one is there to distract you from what scares you most right now: your own thoughts. Then again, no one is there to talk to you about what all your thoughts point to: Ken. _They_ may not say it, but you know what they're thinking with their probing questions and investigative eyes. All this "How are you, Amy?" and "Do you need anything, Amy?" was too nosy! All you want is to be left alone! Doesn't anyone realize this?

You begin to take some deep breaths to calm yourself down. You are getting too worked up about this business, and you know it. Right now, you're not sure if you are truly angry at everyone at the precinct or if it's just the bottle talking. Although you think it's just the bottle, everything has been making you angrier and angrier these past few months. The glass you threw earlier was because the cop in movie you were watching died on the job. It was too similar to Ken's death, and it shouldn't be like that! No good cop should ever die! At the thought of Ken's death, you begin to sob on the couch, curled up in a little ball just like most nights. Eventually, you become so exhausted you go to sleep.

* * *

When you open your eyes, you can tell that you are not awake. You must be dreaming because everything is too white in this room. The couch, the walls, even the floors are all white – not an off-white either, but a pure, bright white. It looks just like a white version of your apartment.

You begin to look around the room more and more when realize someone is holding your hand. You follow the mysterious hand, then the arm, and finally look at the face. You utter, "Ken?" He nods at your question and you pounce on him with a hug.

Ken laughs and says, "Well, hello to you too." You can't believe he's here. You're just so excited to see him, but then it hits you. This is only a dream – a really good one, but a dream nonetheless. Ken isn't actually here. At this realization you back away from him so it will be easier to stomach this dream when you wake up. "Yes, this is a dream, but that doesn't mean you have to back up from me. I'm only here for a little bit."

"I can't handle it though," you tell him. "If you're not really here, then I have to wake up and remember every moment I've had with you here, and I'll want to find you again so much more. If I cut myself off, then I'll… I'll survive."

"Just like you've been surviving with that bottle?" You look away from him at the mention of it. "Amy, you are so much stronger than that. You don't need that bott

* * *

le to cope."

You whisper, "It's so easy though. It takes away my pain, my thoughts, my loneliness."

"Is it worth it though? The hangovers? The headaches? The stares? Amy, if you think no one sees what you're doing, you're wrong. Everyone can tell that you aren't yourself. You're late to work; you're extremely quiet; you don't have any passion in your job. Where's the girl I know? Where's the Amy I fell in love with?"

Tears begin to roll down your face at Ken's words. He's right. You know he's right. "She's still here."

Ken caresses your face as he whispers, "Let me see her then."

* * *

Your eyes flutter open. Was he really there or did you make up everything in that dream? You think about the conversation the two of you had, and realize that what he said was true. You don't need the bottle. Ken wouldn't want that. Even if you made it up, you know that it's still true. Everyone at the precinct – Mal, Natara, Captain Yeong, even Kai – there were all there to help you. They want you to be the best you can be. Ken would want that for you too.

It would be a long journey, but it's one that you are ready to make now. Ken helped you see that you're ready. He'll always be there for you, just in a different way than you imagined.

You fumble through your belongings on the coffee table until you find your phone. After dialing and waiting for a response, someone answers. You reply, "Captain Yeong? It's Amy. I know I said no to counseling before, but is it possible to still take the offer? I think I'm ready now."

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**Hope you liked it! What did you think? Is this all I need or should I add more to the story? Let me know your thoughts and REVIEW! please!**


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